Conflicting defense Mechanisms in Marriage

We all have defense mechanisms created from childhood. As a child, one of the mechanism I learned, was an immediate shut down after an intense push of my desires. Every time I really want to do something I allowed my excitement to overflow and act in extreme confidence of my decision until others agreed with my decision and then I would make a complete flip and decide that it was a bad idea. I developed this mechanism after many years of being being told that my ideas were foolish. Also when I was asked about my actions I could play either side of the coin because I had been on both sides. My husband doesn't get excited about anything. As a child he learned that if he didn't get excited about anything then no one could get to him. He was chastised for lack of enthusiasm but he thought that better than to be harassed over things he really cared about. My husband and I met through a mutual friend. Our friend passed my email address over to him and we wrote for some time before our personal meeting. Before we met I knew he was the one for me. I just knew it. After we met I was very enthusiastic and quickly convinced him that we were meant to be together. Once he was convinced I made my flip, ensuring personal protection in the event that he wasn't really serious. Likewise he showed no enthusing what so ever. This caused a conflict. After six years of marriage and a great deal of constant communication we have been able to both over come our defense mechanisms at least within the wall so our own home. Being aware of defensive patterns within relationships allows the individuals to understand and not be hurt by those defense mechanism and better help each other overcome.