Mother May I

A chip off the old block

2006-05-03T21:10:00.000-07:00

My husband has developed a cleaning idea that is sure to bring pleasure to anyone who decides to try it. When you are looking over your home and see an overwhelming challenge of any sort; decide up front to not complete the task. You have a sink full of dishes. Do most of them leaving a few tough ones in the sink to soak. Do a load of whites now and leave the towels on the floor for tomorrow. The work is a lot easier both mentally and physically if you break it up into small pieces. You're home may not be perfect all the time but your sanity will be in tact especially if you have small children running around as we do.

Emotional Work

2006-05-03T21:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been at home and gotten angry because the dishes wern't done and the floor is unkempt? And you find yourself blaming your spouse or your children for the mess? Suddenly all of your chores have emotions that you have attached to them and you are steaming. As you clean you mumble under your breath and grumble at the syrup dripping off the plates from breakfast and your daughters clothes that are always hanging around her room. Yes, the work needs to be done but it doesn't need to be the big production that it is made into. The chorse don't have emotions. The plates don't care who wash them. The clothes don't care who put them away. So, calm down make sure those responsible for the mess are taking responsiblity for their actions and stop giving emotions to inanimate objects!

How to find joy

2005-12-30T10:24:00.000-08:00

Can you find joy in doing bad things? Some think so, and I supose, that for a moment you can. I know that personally I have found happiness for short spurts as I indulge in my sins. For people that drink liquor, in the short go, get a buzz and may feel happy for a while. But, then they vomit violently and get head aches and get in cars and kill people. The end result is never worth the temporary high even if it takes liver disease or a wasted life years later to illustrate the point. You can never find freedom in bondage even if that bondage is to sin in its many forms. You cannot be happy without being free. Some say that religion is to strigent and doesn't allow an individual their freedom but on the contrary religion is never forced, you don't get a hang over from going to church.

For Newlyweds and Their Parents

2005-12-29T16:50:00.000-08:00

The mentality of the day is that parents should not help their young breed out when they first get married. We are taught that it is important for young folks to learn to earn their own way in the world. Basically the argument is that we shouldn't help each other out because it breeds dependence. By that way of thinking (the Protestant work ethic) 40 acres and a mule and home steading were devilish programs which created dependency upon the state. Early in the history of the LDS church anyone who chose to locate with the saints were given an inheritance which they neither bought nor earned. These freebies, contrary to creating dependency, created independent prosperity. The birth right and dowry traditions have their ties in ancient scripture and stem from a loving God who has endowed us with many gifts that were neither bought nor paid for by ourselves. If we are to learn from the patterns of relationships should we not then emulate His example.

If parents desire independence from their children then they are obligated to create or instill such independence within the child. A lack of independence is not the fault of the child but of the parent. If a need exists then we must ask ourselves, "What did we do to create the need within our child?" Certainly a child has his/her own will and can persist in doing that which is not right but we are taught that if you train up a child in the way that he should go, that even if the child strays in his youth that he will come back (onh his own). That to me sounds like independance!

If you have failed to teach your bird to fly, now is not the best time to push it out!

You can't take it with you-or can you?

2005-12-29T16:37:00.000-08:00

The mentality today is that you'd better enjoy your money while you're here because you can't take it with you. Well, what if you can. What if you chose to utilize your money in such a way so as to bless the lives of others or to keep your family together. If you believe there is life after death then wouldn't you want to take your family relationships with you and if money can help facilitate that then maybe you can take it with you.

For example, we live near a family that is extremly wealthy and they have chosen to purchase a great deal of land with their money and now have most of their children and their grandchildren living on their property. They have good family relationships and enjoy a common community.

In contrast my parents had a great deal of land that was handed down for four generations which they have decided to cash out. None of their children live near them and the family is quite estranged. Now imagine if instead they would have allowed each of their children an inheritance in the family trust?

When grandpa had the land he chose to sell it to my father and my father chose to sell it to a developer that has now created high density housing. Dad and Grandpa have no relationship with their children nor their grandchildren. But, they have their money and that they can not take with him! Not that any of their children want money or land but to illustrate that they chose money and land over their children and thus have no relationship with their children.

So can you take it with you?

Women and weight

2005-12-16T14:45:00.000-08:00

When was the last time you thought, "I need to lose weight?" If you're like most women probably at lunch. Where does this pressure come from? The man in your life? Other people, maybe other women or family members? Or is the pressure strictly internal? I've struggled with the weight issue most of my life. When I was a size 6 I knew for sure I needed to lose the bulge on my tummy. Where was the pressure coming from? Look at any impressionist paintings. The desirable women were, by today's standards, obese and yet in their day or the beginning of the 20th century they were the desirable. Take for example Pierre-Auguste Renoir's "Bathers" (above). Bare in mind this is the pornography of its day, this is what men lusted after.

What happened? When did the societal outlook concerning women's weight change? A look into the past draws a clear connection to the flapper generation (1920's) and big changes to women's perceptions of themselves. This generation took the racy dress of the Gibson girl in the late 1800's and in just a few years raised the dress length, started wearing make-up, bobbed their hair and died it black, started drinking, and taped their breasts (because they didn't want to look like a woman). Since this women's movement we have experienced dramatic changes to the ideal and socially accepted image of the perfect woman.

Are these changes acceptable? Have we advanced the cause? Have we improved on the past? Quite obviously we have failed! We have created an entire culture that thinks we are over weight no matter our individual size or shape. Why do we have to look at an apple and an orange and think the apple has to be an orange in order to be tasty? In third world cultures, where media and advertising are absent, the women are unconcerned with their outward size and focus on their individual role in society. The result being happy women unburdened with this particular social pressure.

The only way to reverse the movement is one person at a time. We must first stop looking in the mirror with disgust and start seeing our outward beauty. Secondly we must stop trying to guess what size "she" is and wondering "when is she going to start dieting?"

We are obsessed with weight! Do we not have anything better to think about? What if instead we start accentuating the beauty of each individual? We could start a new movement. A movement towards individual freedom to be! Rather than focusing on the social pressure to become.

Conflicting defense Mechanisms in Marriage

2005-11-24T05:13:00.000-08:00

We all have defense mechanisms created from childhood. As a child, one of the mechanism I learned, was an immediate shut down after an intense push of my desires. Every time I really want to do something I allowed my excitement to overflow and act in extreme confidence of my decision until others agreed with my decision and then I would make a complete flip and decide that it was a bad idea. I developed this mechanism after many years of being being told that my ideas were foolish. Also when I was asked about my actions I could play either side of the coin because I had been on both sides. My husband doesn't get excited about anything. As a child he learned that if he didn't get excited about anything then no one could get to him. He was chastised for lack of enthusiasm but he thought that better than to be harassed over things he really cared about. My husband and I met through a mutual friend. Our friend passed my email address over to him and we wrote for some time before our personal meeting. Before we met I knew he was the one for me. I just knew it. After we met I was very enthusiastic and quickly convinced him that we were meant to be together. Once he was convinced I made my flip, ensuring personal protection in the event that he wasn't really serious. Likewise he showed no enthusing what so ever. This caused a conflict. After six years of marriage and a great deal of constant communication we have been able to both over come our defense mechanisms at least within the wall so our own home. Being aware of defensive patterns within relationships allows the individuals to understand and not be hurt by those defense mechanism and better help each other overcome.

2005-11-23T04:53:00.000-08:00

Rosena

5-week Herbal Formula

2005-11-22T12:39:00.000-08:00

I've been pregnant four times and given birth three. I learned about the 5-week formula from my sister-in-law who, after having a bad hospital experience, went all natural and all herbal. She gave me "Polly's Birth Book Obstetrics for the Home." I decided that, though home birth was not for me, the five week formula would be a good herb to take during the last stage of pregnancy. I have taken the herbal formula for all three of my full term pregnancies. The stats for all three are as follows:

With my first born, Virginia, I began to dilate four weeks prior to my due date. Six days before I gave birth I was dilated to a 3 and 90% effaced at +1 station. I was in labor exactly 8 hours. I started labor at 2 A.M. and gave birth at 9:58A.M. The labor progressed perfectly, my water broke at 6:00 A.M., while I was laying in bed at home. That's when I notifed my husband that I was in labor and he began to stress about getting to the hospital. I drug my feet for another hour before we left. Had to take a shower and blow dry my hair of course! Everything went perfectly until my CNM (Certified Nurse Midwife) began to stitch me up and she realized the total damage done. Thus my recovery was long.

With my second, Asa, 3 days before I gave birth I was dilated to 4 centimeters, 95% effaced and at 0/+1 station. I was in labor 9 1/2 hours. I started at Noon and delivered at 9:35 P.M. This time we left immediatly for the hospital and then sat there all afternoon. My CNM wanted to brake my water at 4P.M. because I wasn't progressing but I wanted everything to be natural. Finally at 7 I gave in. Good decision! I only spent 18 hours in the hospital. I recovered very quickly and was up and going a couple of days after birth.

With my third babe, Sherrad, four days before I gave birth I was at 2.5 centimeters, 90% effaced, and 0 station. I was in labor for 13 hours. I went into labor at midnight and we drove an hour and a half to the hospital where they would have sent me home except for the distance. we sat around all morning waiting for my CNM to come and brake my water. Since it was December 24 she wasn't in any hurry. I delivered two hours after she broke my water. I was up and going quicker than ever. I hardly new I had a baby.

Every time I find out I'm pregnant I debate whether or not to take the formula again. Having gone natural for all three of my pregnancies, and having had pretty good birthing experiences, I'm quite sure that all of my pregnancy planning in the future will include Polly Block's 5 week herbal formula.

Welcome to Motherhood!

2005-11-22T11:50:00.000-08:00

As far back as I can remember my life's focus has been preparing to be a wife and a mother.

While I was in high school the only magazine I subscribed to was Parents. My friends all laughed at me as I sat in the secretaries office (I was an aid there) reading my magazine. Three adorable nieces where born into our family while I was still in Junior High. I spent so much time with them my friends complained and my nieces occasionally called me Mother. I attend the local college and the focus of my education there was Marriage and Family. After graduation from College I went onto Brigham Young University where once again my major was Marriage, Family, and Human Development. I found my true love while there and I married him a short time after I received my bachelors degree.

I KNEW I was ready for motherhood. I had experience, I had a degree, and I had the desire. When little Virginia entered the world on a snowy December 19 I certainly was not prepared! We had a quiet two days in the hospital where I was referred to as Superwoman by the hospital personnel as my birthing story circulated throughout the center. (A story for another blog)

After arriving home, we sat in bed exhausted, eager for our first nights rest as a family of three. Little Virginia didn't have the same plan. She began to cry and quickly escalated to a scream, the tone was practically unbearable. My husband looked at me in horror and I to him. I then tried all the usual things feeding, burping, bouncing, singing, diaper change, a pacifier but nothing worked. I couldn't stop her from screaming. My husband finally offered a prayer and asked, that if nothing else, please change the tone of her voice. He swears to this day that her scream changed that night; though the length and duration of it never slackened!

I was well prepared for motherhood. Even still the extreme challenges that came with my first experience were much greater than I expected. Virginia was extremely colicky for the first year. I learned to eat, cook, clean, and sleep with a baby in one arm. All my personal hobbies and passions were put aside as I adjusted to my new roll. Even still looking back I am grateful for that time. Because of the total loss of self I was forced to truly find my inner soul. Over the years I have spent a great deal of time exploring motherhood. Through this roll I have developed a passion for life that I couldn't have found in any other pursuit! I now have more hobbies and ways of expressing myself than I know what to do with. I found myself through my roll as wife and mother and I hope to help others do the same.